Artist's Process Part Sixteen

In entering the waterfall process,

I must be very afraid to be alone.

Instead of fighting, I need to use the tact of grieving.

I wave as from a departing ship to what I am, including life coping methods.

The people I imagine leaving here, may be here now,

but forgive them, let us wave departing.

Create and observe this cinema.

My subconscious goes by unfolding event dramas, these are its eyes.

Speak to those people, perhaps sincerely energy can cross time and distances,

My good intent can heal, it can alter energetic agreements prior made with others.

So..for the next hour or minutes for god’s sake lol…

advise those who I am afraid to not be with for a few moments. Say,

We will drown one another grasping for love, oneness.

Follow your own way also. But it must be alone,

Bring back the joyful things you did, your vibe, wanting to share, not blame.

But go now alone, no one will hold my hand or yours, nor will I be able to hold it,

So understanding the metaphor lesson given by certain death, in affirmative.

Explore this while there is your nature alive to enjoy it, do things from there.

This is a process. I nor leave you, nor my memories. I am going to have me time.

Besides that, my need to say more is my own fear of leaving.

The ship is packed with provisions, the tide will soon go out,

I will have to get ready for work the next day, I have a few minutes.

Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

They will be there when you return, be certain.

But they will not be certain it will be you, the way they need you.

When half of the relationship changes, the entire relationship changes.

I understand I can take responsibility, bring balance among interactions.

There is a lion to roar here,

little tears and waving of white lace gloves.

Patience requires trusting a process,

Patience is reached when it is not required.

When a journey is enjoyed.

When I allow things set in motion to dialogue and chemistrate.

When I am responsible for my changing emotions,

Having a way home, despite conditions.

To be well between heightened moments of exuberance,

The it can happen more freely.

While having a natural smile.

So I am motivated to follow higher principles,

Rather than motivation, ego confidence based on how its going so far,

Or seeing a beeline to some conclusion or uplifting of others.

What if you miss the next two pitches,

You didn’t have daddy to see your game,

he never shows up, only expects more, to be more.

You have no best friend, they are guys you smoke with,

Talking about buying a house and reaching nirvana with a female,

Are you confidant then? 

I am alone already. Perfect, this has been my gift.

Then when I greet independently, suddenly, pure sharing.

I don’t want and imprison another, whatever good grows,

Or the moment is enjoyed and depart graciously

and grateful for some time with my drip homies.

So it is okay to practice patience in the outer, as mind identity,

The person not moving much, not painting, not dancing.

In order to agree. And enter.

Always gently enter, very very theatrically gently,

And start there, ever so holding to what is felt,

Facing first whatever is disruptive,

What is my problem I ask?

Sincerely asking, not as a sub-c getting ready to take the podium.

Imitating how others ‘listened’. That was lame.

Saying ‘lame’ is enough. The proper use of narrow mindedness.

The opening of the box is itself the prevention to let go.

Was this how I was kept from expressing myself.

Poor them. Moving on.

A bottle of tension, jumping up and down on my trampoline.

Observing, observing insights as this watcher sees.

The seer will soon paint. Art is seeing.

The one who sees is able to observe identity,

the walls preventing me from knowing it is me after all.

I observe from a place these tensions

Where identity cannot take me, no outcomes I dreamed.

Big or small is not a problem of a cup of water flowing

towards the ocean.

So I realize this intention has a nature. Doing me.

That is me in life, my gift. For now, just this small piece of time,

To choose from a sense of right, and not by committee.

The next hurdle emerges when connected.

A need to set limitations. A pause while doing.

Because fixation and leading the water towards a perceived outcome.

The sub-c is willey. An emotional outcome is waiting.

The heightened energy used now to fuel a vision,

Of a want attained. Sure it would be enjoyed if present,

Especially as now receptive.

A want. A concern how. A planning more into it.

Pretending it is inspiration.

Whoops, it was a grasp.

Cancel orders for the gear I purchased to make it reality,

Go back to dancing. Wow is right.

The seeing and the mind to make sense of it.

Determined that this way is better and

I cooperate with an imagined Tao or universe, the force,

But when your imagined gives you signs,

Being comedy. 

And if I do go for a want, now it is just less important,

Dialoging with those I would share, converse, be co-influenced.

From roots. From where I follow, practice following.

With forces governing attitude of developing crystals.

So all these thoughts. Having resolve to stop and feel.

Right now I workout.

I jump on my trampoline, right now forget inspiration,

I will observe all of me, counting touching the ceiling with my hands,

I can rely on feeling balance, eyes closed,

This me is familiar, why deny the animal who found mind.

A moving, sweating animal. Dancing. This is always joy.

Smiling, remembering to remember this for my stuck time self

Gentle deep SIGH.

In my greater life I am connecting these segments as living.

That to paint, jog, dance, learn music,

play ironic make believe lol! neanderthal games,

mouth kung fu with my sweet dog,

Feel the love and kindness of my sweethearts hand,

Trampoline and sweat to music,

These moments, I am. And in stillness I am.

Then inviting this space and trust into daily necessities.

Not hardening or softening out of phase,

I will trust disappearing of my story.

The quick moving story that creates and maintains,

without gaps, an identity.

The gaps are the key.

I paint tunnels into rock faces like Wile E. Coyote.

Painting, anchoring visual language with consistent symbols.

Representing the moaning cave person experiencing mind,

Losing my sense of self, find self. A cave painting after mind.

Of the hunt ending.

So it happens.