Artist's Process Part One

To be my own home

I stop

A stop is at the outcome of seeking.

Until total, always beginning again.

Once realized, it is resolved.

All that is left is to walk my process.

Toward affirmative giving up.

Hope is replaced by me.

All along, Art is listening.

Setting up my space. Making this stop physically welcoming.

Avoiding also with awareness,

letting the escapes wind to the vortex,

knowing this way transition from enjoyment directly to having,

rather than as before left empty once a pleasure ends.

This detachment allows me to enjoy wants more also,

And respect limitations also,

Work more conscientiously, patiently also,

I can build while having a way to feel what I expect from causal outcomes.

Then it is more sincere, because then the direction moving physically

must feel significant and reamp into my returning way,

because I keep in my mind that the outer and inner are words,

I intend that this outer and inner are united as a tree and its non-visible roots,

One is not below; they nourish the whole up and down along the y axis.

My identity is what I intend, so let this be guided by heart and worthwhile imagination.

From my heart I felt this to be kind,

and a compassionate way to practice how to face my last day some day.

I am not defined, so then sail a steadfast ship in the unknown,

keep the mind healthy and associated with love. 

I am kind to myself during the immediate process when returning home,

Still strongly experiencing an ‘in’ and being outer,

And the small shock of being there and being some guy while alone,

A persona while with my loved ones,

Even if they see me when silent or within my expressions,

And then the bland scripted best responses negotiating social and work roles.

It is deep, engrained. I still rely on outer means to ‘escape’ this space.

consoling habits and patterns searching for inclusion

even through shows, gatherings, purchases, food and drink.

The process I identify with needs kindness and dignity, self respect.

I resolve I can participate while retaining the observer.

This and returning more wholly to drink deeper from the well,

So there is more there to know how much I need, want,

And return more easily, deeply, as life moves on.

I cleanse the floors, lay a broad quality mat,

I can roll around, it will not slip, it is firm but not hard,

Be the princess and the pea now.

This is the time to be picky,

this is the most important journey within my life.

Let it be ego important. I am my own friend.

It is I who will take this journey.

As experiences accumulate, certain conditions drop as did childhood toys,

I let awareness decide. And I face my real courage.

I will not make bravery another layer of complication.

Courage is facing this dissolution without first painting on a warrior mask.

But I reflected on wearing a real mask.

I recall trying a mask made by a friend artist at their showing.

Suddenly I could be me in a public space, here was me, let others see the mask.

But the courage to intend and move freely from there would be spectacle,

A discerning balanced healthy mind is my friend.

There is a system of fear, reward and social punishment.

Another reason to go gently, in balance, privately.

Expand personal spaces of the outer from there,

there is no reason to wait for it. So it will arise from having.

So I donated support but did not purchase the mask.