Artist's Process Part Nine

Then the flow stops, it is time for rest, leaving questions,

In a relaxed state, prepare for daily work task,

Or fall into a conflict, resolve, return,

Work something out that is gnawing for the longest time,

Take minimum excursions, at least closing of eyes, observing myself in tears,

System check. The hardest part is starting again. Then all effort is easy.

I want to say it. “This is the way”

This is my way, allow others theirs I reflect immediately.

What if this awareness, or thought experiment

with weirdly satisfying outcome affect goals and decisions,

to what? allowing more contribution and independent joy,

yeah okay, why not.

I love the word weird, because there are some things the mind cannot dissect,

Because it is not measurable, tangible or observable.

There is only stopping.

I feel the ying yang symbol must have had a stop sign incorporated in the past,

How could the notion of physical movement, forward, backward, up down,

Not also acknowledge stop which we do with our legs to prevent falling off of a cliff,

Except now I use it to dissolve, wheeee.

That dramatic turbulent ever moving image of myself,

Which disappears when one jumps from a plane,

Wheee, falling in gravity. So what, well, it’s dangerous

And my primal brain shuts down cortical thought and engages my amygdala,

Such as in the midst of a sneeze, there is enough ‘stopping’ that I feel me,

And it was me that was joy all along,

Then I enjoy doing the play and pulling the right ropes and tumbling when I arrive,

That I attributed it all to the actions of the adventure.

Because then I sit in silence and it’s the same place,

The reason for the post coital cigarette, a good time to stop,

After the danger or event of pure pleasure,

Minus physical danger or blame or guilt if looking for a new partner.

I have something I can actually take that responsibility with,

That provides positive affirmative feedback,

And I will always still love jumping and dancing and painting.

What I love about completed images,

Is that I can enter them as an adventure unto itself.

Reach into what that space said, what is in the subconscious

Besides saying it had 93% of my intelligence, okay so what the hell is there?

Besides taking me to that edge, at least a postcard inviting me to

come back and visit, a reminder when I am in wanting, it is there.

Then discipline. I know what, I know how. Now the effort to return, to start.

Active meditation, a task I love, or pure rest into pure meditation,

to the point where the stop is required,

but all tools already set up. So that that child, as my presence can go,

I have my skis on, I am at the edge I am ready to ski,

So that when I leap, I can do this thing,

and if not I won’t drop the gloves and give up,

take a few minutes, or perhaps just put on the music if it demands less.

What if I set up to paint, put on music, work out first,

and I just know how to approach painting,

Why not lay down that idea, see and respond,

From having, as feeling, celebrating the extras that happen,

Not grasping to hold on, doing, finished is finished,

I am not there to take from the piece, the doing gave me everything.

Here an authentic living piece, never before made, irreproducible.

As will my experience be living as me, indescribable.

Shared in vibe and intention with others, but always utterly alone,

A whole full complete alone.

If I feel lonely, I know the way. Did it really happen, there is my proof.

I can look into, see into it.

It resonates itself, this state. An effigy of itself that is me and within is me,

even if in my mind I pretend to forget or become determined by past experience

to be lost in how to attain to affirmative states.

Otherwise, principles. But this effigy ‘machine’ is evolution for me,

More distance with less effort and less bullshit,

welcome to quantum transit. It could be a mind game,

So is going on a vacation or some people go rock climbing.

but it’s good. Something positive nothing happens rather than empty nothing.

My answer to what is the point.

Well, I would have to get back there independently first,

and decide without deciding in advance, I would know what I want to flow in there and

then…

And what about right now. I want to feel good right now,

I want the dignity to feel joy right now

without how close what I am doing right now is to being about the arrival at the trip to Fiji.